Tuesday, July 19, 2005
"I could never do that. I don't have enough patience."
She: "So, is Thomas going to start Kindergarten this year?"
Me: "Well, we're homeschooling so we've already started."
She: "Homeschooling? Wow, I could never do that. I don't have enough patience."
Every single conversation about homeschooling that I have had with acquaintances has included that remark about patience. Every single one. Why?
What's really ironic about the comment is that I am extremely impatient. I come from a long line of Right Now-ers. My husband laughs derisively at the implication that I have some!
"I don't have enough patience." What are the assumptions behind this comment? Why is it such a universal comment? Homeschooling readers; do you get this comment all the time, too? Why, do you think?
Here are a few of my thoughts on the matter. First of all, I think it is a convenient cop-out. I think these ladies think they can not do it or that they do not want to do it. I think they think that if they have this particular personality quirk that it gives them a valid excuse not to do it.
Second, is the assumption that teaching requires more patience than parenting. I find this an ironic assumption, for three reasons. First, parenting requires more patience than any other endeavor a person is likely to undertake. Second, you will spend your entire life parenting your children but only a small fraction of that time formally teaching them, even if you do homeschool. And third, parenting and teaching are the same thing.
Another assumption behind the patience comment, I believe, is the idea that homeschooling means having school at home. And, while patience is a requirement for the classroom teacher, a parent has almost none of the same issues as a classroom teacher. Were you patient when you taught your child to walk? Then you have the patience to teach your child math.
Fourth, is the assumption that teaching is a talent. And most people feel that talents can not be learned. These are the gifts God has given us and we either have them or we don't. I am going to leave aside the question of whether this is true or not.
Similarly, many people assume that teaching is a profession. The result is the idea that teachers are experts and that teaching is something that can only be done by those with 4 year degrees certifying their expertise. Well, I could rant on this idea for pages and pages--and maybe I will another time. For today's purposes let me re-state what I said earlier: parenting IS teaching. Didn't you teach your child to sit, to walk, to talk, to use the toilet, to catch and to throw, to refrain from hitting the cat, to mind their manners, etc., etc., etc?
Finally, there is the assumption that patience is also something you either have or you don't. Thankfully, that is not true. You can learn and grow in patience just as you can in any personality characteristic. It may be harder for me to grow my patience than it is for some, but I continue to work on it. I am much better than I used to be. And, trust me, if I can learn to be more patient, then anyone can!
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Very well said! I think that the majority of parents are lazy and they don’t want to put forth the effort it takes to raise children.
When I pray and ask the Lord for patience, He doesn’t zap me with patience potion, He gives me an abundant amount of opportunities to practice being patient.
Doing daycare in my home, along with raising and homeschooling three small children of my own, the Lord has provided many, many opportunities for me to excel in this area.
Parents need to decide what their priorities are!
Dani,
Thanks!
Praying for patience is definitely one fo those things that you should be careful what you wish for --'cause you just might get it! LOL
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